Benign Girl will give you infinite pleasure

Living in share houses provides all sorts of experiences. I've been very lucky to be able to live with friends and family and still be on speaking terms after we've gone our separate ways. Any of you who have lived in share houses will no doubt be familiar with the phenomenon of random things turning up in your house; sometimes even in your room- like the time myself and Professor Pop'n'Smelly wrapped a shopping trolley in black cloth and put it on my brother's bed. No, I don't know why we did this either, but my brother's reaction of complete confusion at this mysterious object was worth the effort.

With these sorts of random shenanigans in mind, I was slightly perplexed and more than a bit amused to find this on the kitchen table recently:

This is not only a classic example of Engrish, but the lengths that markets have to go to get our money; this product will not be merely fun, it will not provide paltry happy times, IT WILL GIVE YOU INFINITE PLEASURE!!! This is the sort of claim I usually associate with illicit narcotics, or sex toys, or some combination of the two...which makes me worry, because the housemate this belongs to intends to give it to my best friend's five year old daughter.

The cure for the common cold

Colds. It seems like everyone has had one this year. Except me, because I'm lazy and don't push myself hard enough (except on the tennis court) to compromise my immune system- until last weekend, when two very late nights and a lot of fun have led to a rather sore throat, which is my immune system's early warning system. Wanting to cut this cold off at the pass I decided to recreate the Victoria Road Boys patented cold destroyer: a sandwich filled with garlic and chilli. While this may sound like the gastronomical equivalent of being kicked in the balls, my very hazy memories seem to indicate it wasn't too bad.

So, if you are stupid enough to try this at home (don't try this at home unless you really like chilli!) you will need: 

2 slices of bread (or a roll)

Some chilli (fresh is better but I used the stuff in a jar,
about one heaped teaspoon)

Some garlic (1 large clove or about a heaped teaspoon
or crushed garlic from a jar)

Combine:








Eat.                                         

Here is me before eating:

 Starting to eat:








                                                                    

Eating:   

Afterwards!

Much to my pleasant surprise, my hazy memories were right for once: this was actually pretty tasty. The garlic and chilli seemed to cancel each other out somehow, leaving only the bitey taste of the garlic and a warm aftertaste from the chilli. In fact, this was so good I'll probably do this again!